I came to Peace Corps to grow as a person, and I did, really. In my 2 year service, I put myself into awkward and uncomfortable situations and struggled through all the cultural barriers, all the could be´s that really meant no, all the miscommunications and faux pas on my part, all the embarrassing foreigner errors. By the end of it, I was profoundly different, much more tranquila, more patient, and fiending for terere circles and asado. The thing is, though, that real growth comes with real challenge, and although it wasn´t easy, I loved my two years and my service; which is why I had to stay this third year, working in the office as a coordinator, to have this experience, the bitterest, struggle through it, and be able to peek my head out on the other side and take on bigger and better things to come. I swore out as a Peace Corps volunteer two days ago and after 13 months of radio silence, I’m here to tell the tale.
Turns out that happy thing I had going on wasn’t a guarantee. I now know that I need autonomy with my work. I know that I do not want to be in an office every day. I know that I need creative license and a flexible schedule and time to work out and relax if I want to be at my best. I now know that I was clinically depressed for at least 9 of the last 13 months. I deeply understand how depression weighs a person down so that the simplest tasks, things that they love, things that would make them feel better, are just too overwhelming to try. I know that you can try to psych yourself out of it until your blue in the face but that won’t even touch it, but I also know that 115 hours of meditation at a retreat center in the campo is a good start. I know that I have real friends, because they have been very patient with me through all my non-responses, avoidances, and inappropriate outbursts. I know that I can now see that blue sky peering through.
But of course there were good times, too. The past year has included: traveling all around the country, hanging out with awesome volunteers, monthly visits to Oviedo to see my Paraguayans, an incredible trip to the U.S. for X-mas and New Year’s, a mind-blowing trip to Buenos Aires for my birthday, great times bonding with jóvenes (youth) at leadership and business camps and with the National Youth Protagonist Network that is off and running, babies born, random adventures, and recently, lots and lots of going-away parties for my group of volunteers.
Turns out I can’t get enough of Paraguay. You’d think after 40 months here I’d have had my fill, and although I’d probably pass out from sheer joy if I saw an attractive guy over 6ft tall and over 18, I’ve got bigger fish to fry. There is a sustainable agriculture school 40k from the capital that is being used as a world model for social entrepreneurship. They have 165 high-school students who are learning by managing the small produce, animal products, and hospitality businesses that keep the school running. All of the students are from poor backgrounds and all of them are learning the tools to permanently bring themselves and their families out of poverty while also working to sustain their own school and education. You can see more at: http://www.teachamantofish.org.uk/approach. I’ll be staying in Paraguay until December to help them with marketing and learn how they run things so that I will eventually be able to replicate it in my own school.
Scenes from the school
I´m moving to the school in a few days and will be more regularly writing about all of my (now non-Peace Corps) adventures there, and then afterwards when I go to Brazil and who knows where after that. Forgive me for the long silence, please, but lots of fun to come. (PS - I know it should be The Most Bitter" but that´s the quote)
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I checked out the site for the school you will be visiting. If it is half as good as it claims it is, it is AWESOME! A self sustaining school that actually teaches life skills that transfer into real life. Perhaps schools in the US should study this model, too.
ReplyDeleteGet on with it Girl! You have much to give the world, and it's waiting for you with open arms.
Love YOU!
Mom
Yo Ang, Great that you have broken the Radio Silence. I get what you're saying about needing autonomy; I was relocated 6 months into my service, and I went from a micro-managing supervisor/situation to a situation where I was autonomous and had complete trust, which was the experience that I longed for.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you inspired me to sign up to take the Vipannasa 10 day silent meditation retreat last year; I'm taking it next month...so looking forward to it!
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